PODCAST: On the Marie Curie Couch with Raynor Winn
In the latest episode of On the Marie Curie Couch, writer and walker Raynor Winn sits down with bereavement expert Jason Davidson.
This month, Jason is joined by long-distance walker and writer Raynor Winn. Her first book, The Salt Path, was a Sunday Times bestseller in 2018. She writes primarily about community, nature and the environment. Her second book, The Wild Silence, was short-listed for the prestigious Wainwright Prize for nature writing in 2021, and her latest book, Landlines, was published last October. In this episode, Raynor talks to Jason about the traumatic death of her dad.
Dad's funeral wishes
"[My dad had] always said, 'I absolutely don't want people wearing black. I don't want it to be mourning. I want it to be best summer clothes and a party.' He'd made that clear to everybody, for probably the previous 20 years, when he was perfectly well, and he stuck with that right into those final days. I think one of the hardest things about the whole episode was that my mum refused to acknowledge that that had been his wish. It was almost as if she almost just needed this whole process over and done quickly, and what would people say if we didn't wear black? Rather than a celebration of my dad's life, it became something that we needed to just move on from. That was the family dynamic we had, of not exploring any emotional issue, and that just made life so hard. It made his dying so hard."
The strength of love
"When you've had somebody who's so much a part of your life, so much a part of your absolute existence, taken away, it does feel almost like it leaves a residue in your body somehow. It's not just emotional, it has felt almost physical for me. And what do you do with it? I think all you can do, and it takes time to come to this point, is take the strength of emotion and love and care that you had for that person. Take the strength of that emotion and allow that to carry you forwards, rather than the grief of them not being there."
I've had to find ways of tapping into the root cause of the grief, which is the absolute love for somebody that's no longer with you, and allow that to be the thing that drives you rather than the pain. Let the joy pick you up."
Listen now
Tap the link near the top of this page to listen to Raynor's chat with Jason. Alternatively, listen to or download it via Acast, Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts. If you'd prefer, you can read a full transcript of the episode . Be sure to like and subscribe so you know when we've uploaded a new episode – there are more conversations coming soon.
Content note: discussion of death and grief with reference to themes/topics that might be triggering or upsetting.
If you need support with bereavement or grief, call the Marie Curie Support Line on 0800 090 2309 or visit mariecurie.org.uk/support
