“Through peer support, men provide therapy to each other”: A Q&A on the importance of Men’s Sheds

Support for people who are grieving, who have a terminal illness or are caring for someone who does comes in all shapes and sizes. What helps one person might not help another.

For many older men, speaking to someone over the phone or reaching out for more typical hospice support isn't something they'd consider. This means that many men – including those who might be finding themselves alone for the first time in their lives – aren't getting the help they need.

So how can hospices support men in this situation? Step forward the 'Men's Shed.'

What is a Men's Shed?

According to Marie Curie Research Nurse Rachel Perry, Men's Sheds are spaces for 'men with a terminal illness, men who are supporting people who are dying, and those who are bereaved.' It's a place they can meet and talk to others in similar situations.

But how and why do they work? That's what Rachel and John MacArtney, Marie Curie Associate Professor at the University of Warwick, set out to understand.

We spoke to John and Rachel to understand the importance of Men's Sheds and how hospices can set up their own.

Q. Why are Men's Sheds important?

Rachel Perry: It was set up in response to a need the men identified. There were lots of groups they could attend at the hospice but none of those really addressed the support they needed in the way they needed it.

John MacArtney: There are other spaces where men meet, but this is different. In the pub or somewhere, if I start talking about my deceased partner, people switch off very quickly. But in a Men's Shed, that's the point. That's why they meet and why they find it so useful to have a dedicated space. Essentially, it's a therapeutic environment. Through peer support, the men provide therapy to each other. But if you ask them if that's what they're doing, they'd say, 'Well, I'm not sure about that.'

Rachel Perry: The men said they talk about what's on the telly or the sport, but they also recognise when members need to talk about how they're feeling and encourage each other to do so. For example, that might be an anniversary or a birthday.

John MacArtney: But if you posed it in psychological language, for example, 'This is a structured therapeutic environment where you're going to achieve five goals in eight weeks', they'd say, 'No. Sorry. Not interested.' But if you say, 'Come along and we're here to talk when you're ready', new members see that it is a convivial space that developed organically around the needs of people in a similar situation.

A lot of the hospices in the country could benefit from having a men's shed ethos, particularly for the generation of men who are bereaved now and were potentially more dependent on their partners than more recent generations. And ultimately, the men really enjoy being there.

Q. What are the main benefits of a Men's Shed?

John MacArtney: We identified several. There's the emotional support. It's a peer support group. It's the loneliness aspect for some of the guys. A lot of them are retired and used to get their chat and banter at work but are now sat at home on their own.

Rachel Perry: There's a social aspect to getting out the house, having something to do and having somewhere to go where they are understood. In some of the interviews they say, 'I just sat at home, watched telly, drank, not knowing what to do. Then I had this Men's Shed once a week so I had a shower and a shave, put some clean clothes on and went out.' It helps pull them out of that routine.

John MacArtney: It's also spiritual support. For some, it's being close to the place and people where their partner died. Overall, it provides holistic support. It's not the only place men can go, but it is a place some men may use when they need it.

Q. What makes a successful shed?

John MacArtney: When getting started it's important to have a clear, co-produced reason for its existence. Ask yourself, 'What's it for?', 'What do you want to get out of this?' Be clear about why we're here. And why we're here is to create a space to talk about and think about bereavement or the experience we're having. It's not a pub. It's not a coffee shop. It helps the quieter guys to contribute because everybody knows why we're here.

Rachel Perry: You also need to have dedicated space and time. It might be in the morning or twice a week. Whatever it is, make sure it's there. And importantly, have no obligation to turn up. That came through strongly, which I was surprised by. Some weeks, for whatever reason, people can't face it. That's okay. But in a couple of weeks they might feel they need to be there. Regular timings, with no obligation to talk and no obligation to be there.

Q. Why is it important for Men's Sheds to be connected to the hospice?

John MacArtney: Well, what makes it unique to other spaces is having that connection. Could you just have a Men's Shed focused on the end of life experiences in the local community centre? Maybe. But it was working particularly well because it was connected to the hospice.

Rachel Perry: During Covid, the men were going on walks, because that's all they were allowed to do. Then they started meeting at a golf club. But they said, 'The walks are fine. But we want to meet at the hospice.' Some said, 'My wife died at the hospice, and that's where I feel closest to her. I've got an emotional connection with the hospice.'

That means a successful Men's Shed must be integrated with the hospice. That way, it's inclusive. That also then gives it financial security, a roof, governance, health and safety. All those 'boring' admin things – but if they're not there, it doesn't happen.

Q. How do I set up a Men's Shed?

John MacArtney: By checking out Marie Curie's website and our toolkit!

Rachel Perry: With the toolkit, we're saying, 'Here's something to get you started, some principles, some FAQs, some problems you might run into.' Apply them to your own context and you'll be very quickly helping guys who would've been one and done with your service before.

John MacArtney: What excites me about this is that healthcare research can spends hundreds of thousands of pounds on interventions that don't make it when they meet people in the 'real world'. This, however, is a low-cost study showing the benefits of a user-led service that hospices can easily implement, and that has the potential to help hundreds of thousands of men for decades.

To find out how you can set up your own Men's Shed at a hospice, access the toolkit to get started.