“It's a comfort to me knowing that my wife is getting support”

Jacky: Someone said to me, "The thing is, none of us know how long we've got". But this situation is different. It's felt like a noose around our necks. As soon as I heard the words 'palliative care' and 'chemotherapy', it pushed me over the edge. But then then a mate of mine said, "They help you live a better life". That's the way Andy looks at it, I think.

Andy's first diagnosis was in January 2017. He'd been taken to hospital by ambulance because he'd had a back passage bleed, which we thought was haemorrhoids. Doctors said his bloods weren't right and did tests with cameras. When I arrived to pick him up, I was asked if I'd like a cup of tea because the doctor wanted to see me. I knew something was wrong.

The cancer was at stage three, so within two weeks Andy was having surgery, followed by chemo. He had a year off work and then, in March 2020, he was back at work in the warehouse when his stomach swelled up and he had to be taken to hospital by ambulance again. When the doctors investigated, they discovered his cancer was back.

Positive thinking

Andy: The MRI showed I've got another tumour behind the main artery in my bowel, which is inoperable. I had mild chemo after my first diagnosis, but this time they hit me with heavy duty stuff. I spend eight hours in hospital every other week having chemotherapy, then come home with a line attached to my chest which administers chemo for two days.

I can't do anything about it except take everything they give me and hope to come out the right door. That's always been my positive attitude.

I'm not in pain but I get worn down and tired. I can't sit on the sofa all day though, so I've gone back to playing golf again. I love the fresh air and being outside. I can't walk the golf course, but I have a buggy. I still get out and exercise and the doctors think that's fantastic.

Although my treatment's palliative, they haven't given me a date when they think it might all be over. Once you've got a terminal illness, you've just got to deal with it and treat every day as an extra day. The worst bit about it for me is seeing how Jacky has struggled with it.

Marie Curie's Companion over the phone

Andy: The bickering between us has got a little bit worse since I've had cancer. I'm a positive thinker and Jacky's a worrier but Peter, Marie Curie's Companion over the phone volunteer, is helping Jacky with that. Even though she gets stressed every now and again, it's not half as bad as it used to be. The support is good for her, it really is.

Jacky: Peter is great. He's been doing this job for a long time, and he knows what I'm going through and how to talk to me. I've cried down to the phone to him before. We talk about how I'm feeling, work, and of course, Andy. It helps that he's an outsider because people in my inner circle will just say what I want to hear.

Andy: It's a comfort to me knowing that my wife is getting support. It's changed her perception of things. Peter is fantastic. He and Jacky really have a rapport. If Jacky's got a problem, she'll tell him. They've built up a good, strong relationship. I can see it's helping her, big time.

If you, or someone close to you, is terminally ill, Marie Curie's free Companion over the phone service is here for you. Our trained volunteers can provide a listening ear and a safe space to talk.