"On my own sofa, or in my own bed. That’s what I want when I die, and that’s what Phil got thanks to Marie Curie."

Caring for him was very difficult at times

Phil was under the care of the palliative care team for eight years – not needing them all the time, but dipping in for things like pain relief and talks. He was on a lot of medication for his different illnesses.

My husband's illness stemmed from alcoholism, going back all those years. That's why our relationship was in the pan, and we'd ended up going our separate ways.

Phil never went on holiday. He went shopping occasionally and he went to the pub. Obviously he went to the pub.

Even though we lived apart, I cared for him. Sometimes I used to think he was conning me because he used to go from death's door to being wonderfully well. It was terrible. I always used to say he was the biggest con man on earth. Other people would go and see him and say: "Oh, he's not well today". While I'd be thinking: "Well, it's a better day today than yesterday!"

Managing the medication

At times, Phil was suicidal and tried to overdose on his medicines. I managed it the best I could. Every day I had to put the drugs out for him. In the end I was going down three times a day to give him medication. I couldn't trust him with it on his own.

Once, I went away for a few days and I hid his drugs in different places around the house. Each day, I'd give him a call and tell him where they were. It was really difficult, but I did it. My granddaughter helped and supported me with some of it, although she couldn't administer drugs.

Getting him home from hospital

Phil went into the hospital on the Sunday 2 April 2023 in a really bad state and I demanded he come out because that wasn't his wishes, to die in hospital. He had lots of complications, so they couldn't do much for him anyway. He had a 'Do not resuscitate'   on him.

The doctor took me to one side and told me he was dying – he had been ill for a long time, and they had told me that a lot of times in the past, but this time they had fitted the syringe driver, so I knew it was true.

I said to the doctor: "Now you've put the syringe driver in, I want him home, it's a moral obligation to get him home". And they did.

Overwhelming comfort

I think nurses are a little bit special, and I can spot a Marie Curie Nurse a mile off. If I had a group of 20 women and men in front of me in a room, I could tell you which one was Marie Curie out of those nurses. I feel it. There is something about them, an aura. They have a calmness and serenity.

The minute that woman walked in the house on the night my husband passed, it was unbelievable, and overwhelmingly comforting.

I knew it was going to happen this way. The nurses were outstanding. It was all meant to be, as if someone had planned it, sat down and said: "On this day, this is going to happen, tomorrow this is going to happen" and so on. It was orchestrated absolutely perfectly.

Just what he needed

The nurse just sat there beside my husband. She insisted I went to bed, because she could see I was absolutely on my knees. I slept for two hours, then I got up and had a lovely shower.

I had the time to do that knowing that the nurse was there. I was free because she was looking after him totally, like I would look after him. She was holding his hand and putting a cloth on his face, talking to him. That was what he needed.

Phil died at home on Thursday the 6 April 2023.

The right place to die

I wouldn't want to die alone in a hospital surrounded by strangers, hearing all the noises going on around me. Where would I like to be? Personally, I'd like to be in a field, listening to the birds singing. Okay, that's not realistic – so let's get me back to my own home. On my own sofa, or in my own bed, surrounded by the people who care – my loved ones.

That's fundamentally a basic need, to be surrounded by your loved ones at the end. During covid, it nearly killed me, the thought of people dying alone.

My love of collecting

I've collected for Marie Curie since 2006. I came to the charity all those years ago because I was feeling a little bit low and depressed. I thought to get out of this rut I was in, I would do something about it. Marie Curie filled that gap, and I am so grateful for it. Little did I know they would be caring for Phil when the time came.

While being a volunteer, I have realised how important it really is. I came to it very nonchalantly, but it's developed into a love. It's a privilege to be a part of such a big organisation and something I believe in.

If you're caring for someone and want to talk, our Support Line is here to listen. Call us free on 0800 090 2309 to speak to a trained member of the team. You can also find helpful resources online for carers.

Sign up to join us at a local collection and help us fund care and support for more people living with a terminal illness, and their families, across the UK.