Signs that someone close to you might be dying
When a family member or friend is approaching the end of life, there are a lot of questions you might have about what to expect as their illness gets worse. Some people want to know how much longer their family member or friend might live for and when they might die. Some people ask about what to expect in the last day or two of life. Knowing more about what to expect can help you to feel prepared or put plans in place. Not everyone wants to know this or has a time frame in mind – and that’s OK too.
If you don’t feel ready to read this information just yet, you can come back to it at any time.
On this page:
Marie Curie Nurse Maria describes the common changes that you might notice in someone’s last weeks, days and hours of life. Peter, Shital and Tracey also talk about their personal experiences of looking after their loved ones during this time. If you’re caring for someone who is dying, you might find that there are some things you can relate to. But you might find that you don’t notice these changes or that you notice them at different times – everyone’s experience is different.
Update: In this video, we talk about skin changes (4:26). Our information has since been updated as follows: People with lighter skin tones might look slightly blue, or their skin can become mottled (have different coloured blotches or patches). On people with darker skin tones, blue can be hard to see. It may be easier to see on their lips, nose, cheeks, ears, tongue, or the inside of their mouth. Mottling is also harder to see on darker skin tones – it might look darker than normal, purple or brownish in colour.
What are the signs that someone is dying?
It’s very hard to tell when someone is approaching the end of their life and when they might die. This is because everyone is different – there’s not one pattern people follow.
In the last weeks and days, people might experience:
- feeling weak and tired
- sleeping more or being drowsy
- feeling hot or cold
- cold hands or feet
- eating and drinking less
- bladder or bowel problems
- breathlessness (dyspnoea)
- pain
- feeling or being sick (nausea or vomiting)
- weight loss
- difficulty swallowing
- being confused or delirious
- being restless or agitated
- talking or communicating less.
As someone moves closer to the end of their life, they may experience:
- loss of consciousness
- shallow or irregular breathing
- noisy breathing.
You might also notice a change in their skin. People with lighter skin tones may look slightly blue or their skin can become mottled (have different coloured blotches or patches).
On people with darker skin tones, blue can be hard to see. It may be easier to see on their lips, nose, cheeks, ears, tongue, or the inside of their mouth. Mottling is also harder to see on darker skin tones – it might look darker than normal, purple or brownish in colour.
Not everyone will experience these symptoms or changes. And these changes can be caused by other things – people who do not have a terminal illness can get some of these symptoms too.
The symptoms that someone has might depend on their illness or illnesses, and their general health and wellbeing. Treatments and their side effects can also cause some symptoms.
Some of these signs are a normal part of dying and will not be upsetting or distressing for the person. Other symptoms, such as pain, nausea and breathlessness, can be upsetting or uncomfortable. There are things that may help with them, including medication. Speak to the person’s doctor or nurse for more information about these symptoms.
Read more about the symptoms you can in the last weeks and days and in the final moments of life.
When will someone experience these signs?
Everyone is different and not everyone will experience the changes we’ve listed above.
Some people’s symptoms might get worse gradually over the weeks or days before they die. There may be times when their symptoms stay the same or get better. Some people might look like they’re doing well, and then decline quickly.
There’s always a chance that someone can get worse and die more quickly than expected.
What is dying like?
Everyone is different, so no one can say exactly what will happen and when someone will die. When someone has a terminal illness and their death is expected, they may experience certain symptoms and signs as they approach the end of life (listed above).
Often people become less able to do things that they did before, such as getting out of bed or having a conversation. They may need more help with things such as washing, changing position or eating. They may also get an increase in symptoms, such as breathlessness or restlessness.
They may not respond when people talk to them or touch them. Even if someone does not respond to you, they may still be able to feel or hear you and be comforted by you being there. Read more about what you can expect in the last weeks and days and in the final hours of life.
With the right professional support, people should be able to have their symptoms managed and be kept comfortable during this time. If you're not sure who to ask for help, contact the person's GP or district nurse.
Can doctors or nurses tell me when someone might die?
It’s very hard to estimate when someone might die, even for doctors and nurses. This is because everyone is different – there’s not one pattern people follow and they cannot predict what might happen to an individual.
You can ask the doctor or nurse about how long your loved one might live for. They won’t be able to give you an exact answer. But they may be able to give you an idea. And they may be able to tell you when they think your loved one is in their final days. It’s important to understand that this is only an estimate and they will not be able to know for certain what will happen to an individual.
When should I say goodbye?
You might think about whether you should say goodbye or when to say this. There is no right or wrong answer – do what feels right for you.
Some people get worse more quickly than expected. So if there is something you want to say to your family member or friend, it's important to say it.
Should I organise visitors?
You may want to ask other family or friends to visit or say goodbye to your loved one. Or you might want to arrange for a religious or spiritual leader to visit. Not everyone wants to do this – and that's OK too.
Some people might need time to rest between visitors and might find a large group of people overwhelming. Others might find it comforting to have people around.
You could ask someone else to help you organise visitors, so you're not doing everything yourself.
If your family member or friend is in a hospital, hospice or care home, there may be restrictions on visitors. Check with the staff about what is possible.
Looking after yourself at this time
If you’re worried that someone close to you is dying, this may be a very difficult time for you. You might have a practical things to sort out and be dealing with a lot of emotions.
Try to eat, sleep and rest if you can. If you are the person's closest family member or friend, you might feel as if you have to take on everything yourself. But getting help means that you can look after yourself and spend quality time with your family member or friend.
If you need more information or support, speak to your doctor or nurse. You can also call our Support Line for emotional support on 0800 090 2309.
Dying Matters – being with someone when they die
NHS – changes in the last hours and days
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About this information
This information is not intended to replace any advice from health or social care professionals. We suggest that you consult with a qualified professional about your individual circumstances. Read more about how our information is created and how it's used.
