Coping with a terminal diagnosis
Everyone responds in their own way when they're told they have a terminal illness. There is no right or wrong way to feel or react. On this page, we explain some of the emotions you might experience, ways to cope with these emotions, and where to get support.
The information on this page is written for people with a terminal illness, but may also be useful for people close to someone with a terminal diagnosis.
On this page:
Your feelings after a terminal diagnosis
Having a terminal illness is likely to make the future seem uncertain. You may have questions that currently have no definite answers. You might be wondering how your health will change, what might happen with work, and exactly how much time you have left (your prognosis).
Alongside, and because of, these questions, you're likely to feel many different emotions throughout your illness. These may change quickly, and at some points you may experience several feelings at once. However hard it might be, try not to push these emotions aside.
How will I feel after a terminal diagnosis?
Remember, there is no right or wrong way to feel. We've listed some of the emotions you may feel below:
- Fear – It's common to feel scared after a terminal diagnosis, either because of a specific fear you have or simply the unknown.
- Anger or resentment – You may think 'Why me?', 'Why this illness?' and feel anger towards the impact it's having on your life and plans.
- Guilt or regret – Perhaps you haven't yet had the chance to do something, or wish you could have done something differently.
- Sadness or depression – You may begin to feel very low and, if it persists or begins to affect your everyday life, it's important to get professional support. Read about coping with depression.
- Loneliness – You may feel isolated because of your diagnosis, or feel that you cannot join in with certain conversations or plans anymore.
- Frustration – If your diagnosis affects what you can or cannot do, you may feel annoyed or frustrated by the change.
How will I react after a terminal diagnosis?
How you respond to these emotions, and your diagnosis as a whole, depends on many things. These could include your personal ways of coping, the support you have around you, and what you understand about your situation. Common responses include:
- Acceptance – Reaching a stage where you accept your diagnosis and prognosis can take time. It may involve lots of conversations with the people supporting you, including family, friends and professionals. You may also feel many other emotions before you reach acceptance. People who do accept their situation often feel a greater sense of calm and start to have more positive thoughts. Acceptance may also help you feel more in control of your situation.
- Denial – It may feel hard to come to terms with your diagnosis or prognosis, so pushing it away might feel easier. But denying that you are ill can be hard emotionally for both you and anyone supporting you. If you ignore your situation and your feelings about it, it can stop you having important conversations and getting the support you need.
- Bargaining – You may feel like saying 'I'd do or give anything if this illness could be taken away from me'. If you are struggling to come to terms with your diagnosis, it might help to talk about it. This could be with a health or social professional, or someone close to you.
- Looking for meaning – You may start to think about life and its purpose. As you reflect on things that are important to you, you may look to an existing or new spiritual belief, faith or philosophy that helps you cope with your emotions and any questions you have. Alternatively, you may start questioning any beliefs. Sometimes it helps people to talk with a spiritual advisor, or community or faith leader, to help reconcile any worries or questions.
I'd got to the point where I knew I needed somebody to talk to. I had my diagnosis and I was told I was going to need an operation and suddenly your whole world falls apart.
Getting support after a terminal diagnosis
You may feel like there's nothing that can be done to stop you feeling the way you do. But there is lots of support to help you manage difficult emotions. We've listed some of this support below.
If you do not feel ready for any of these things now, it's worth trying them when you feel up to it.
Support from Marie Curie
At Marie Curie, we have many services that are here to support you and the people close to you.
Support Line
If you're living with a terminal illness, you can call our free Support Line on 0800 090 2309. Our trained Support Line staff can offer practical and clinical information, and emotional support.
You can also contact our Support Line by web chat.
Companion over the phone
Our free Companion over the phone service provides ongoing emotional support via telephone calls with the same person each week.
You can access up to 12-weekly sessions from a trained volunteer, who can provide a listening ear and a safe space to talk. It is not counselling or psychotherapy and may not be suitable for people who need a higher level of support.
Find out more about Companion over the phone.
The Marie Curie Community
The Marie Curie Community is an online space where you can share your experiences or get support from people who understand what you're going through.
Visit the Marie Curie Community.
Companion at home service
If you need to do something around the house, pick up something from the shops, or talk about how you're feeling, companions will be right there alongside you.
Companions can be available for up to three hours a week, and can also provide support over the telephone.
You can self-refer to the Companion at home service or ask your healthcare professionals to refer you.
Find out more about the Companion at home service.
Talking about how you're feeling
It can be difficult to talk about your diagnosis, especially if you are still working through your own feelings around it. But speaking with someone close to you – or someone you do not know, depending on your preference – might help you understand or find new ways to manage those feelings.
Family and friends
Speaking to someone you trust and feel comfortable with, such as a family member or friend, may be the best way to cope with your feelings. However, it's good to be aware that people close to you may have different reactions to your illness.
Read about telling people about your diagnosis.
Your healthcare team
You can discuss any worries and feelings with your health or social care professionals. They will know your situation and the details of your diagnosis, so can help with any questions you have.
If you are not sure which professional to talk to, you could start with your GP or a member of your hospital team, such as a clinical nurse specialist (CNS). They will also be able to give you the details of other local services or professionals who could help.
A counsellor
You may find it easier to talk to someone you don't know. Counsellors are trained to listen and to help you work through your feelings.
You can find counsellors in your area using these organisations:
- British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy (UK)
- COSCA (Scotland).
You have to pay to see a counsellor privately. But you can also talk to your GP about seeing a counsellor through the NHS for free. If you live in England, you can also refer yourself directly to a service using the link below.
Find an NHS psychological therapies service in England.
Join a support group
You may feel that the only person who can understand what you're going through is someone who also has a terminal illness or the same condition as you. There are many local support groups throughout the UK. These can involve people meeting to:
- share their experiences
- support each other
- take part in a range of activities.
Your district nurse or another member of your healthcare team may be able to tell you about support groups in your area. Many organisations linked to a specific condition, such as cancer charities, have details of support groups on their websites.
Check our list of useful organisations for charity contact details. If you're in England or Wales, you can also visit the GOV.UK website and search for community groups .
Taking care of yourself
You can take care of yourself in different ways that may help you feel better. After speaking with your healthcare professionals about what could work for you, you may want to try:
- eating a healthy, well-balanced diet
- avoiding a lot of alcohol or unprescribed drugs
- doing activities or exercise you enjoy
- making time to pay attention to the present moment, including how you are feeling and what's going on around you.
Try not to be frustrated with yourself if you find it difficult to do things, or you aren't achieving the things you would like to. Feeling better takes time and happens gradually.
Read about keeping active and eating well.
Try a complementary therapy
Complementary therapies can be given alongside your regular medical treatment. They focus on your wellbeing and can help with different problems, including:
- relaxation
- sleeping better
- easing pain or tension.
Complementary therapies include acupuncture, meditation, massage, relaxation techniques and reflexology.
In most cases, complementary therapies are not available free on the NHS. You could speak to your doctor or nurse about what's available in your area. Your local hospice or support group may also offer free or reduced cost therapies.
Find complementary therapists in your area through these organisations:
- British Association of Art Therapists
- Health and Care Professions Council
- Complementary and Natural Healthcare Council .
Read about complementary therapies.
Try art therapies
Art therapies involve expressing emotions through drawing, painting, photography or creative writing. Many people find this a safe and helpful way to explore feelings such as fear, anxiety and depression. It can help people achieve a sense of freedom and self-confidence.
Speak to your district nurse or another member of your healthcare team about what's available in your area. Some Marie Curie Hospices offer art therapies.
Art therapy has become a means of communicating the vitality of my inner life, which I cannot do in any other way now. It is as if I have left the depths of despair and climbed to a brighter, sunnier plateau.
What happens after a terminal diagnosis?
We understand that being diagnosed with a terminal illness can come as a shock. Some people tell us they feel stranded in the time between the initial diagnosis and their next medical appointment.
Speaking to your healthcare professional can help you to know what your options are. They will also be able to tell you what sources of support are available locally.
For the time between appointments, there are things you can do to help you feel more informed. We have information about living with a terminal illness that you could read, or you might prefer to talk to someone on our Support Line on 0800 090 2309.
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About this information
This information is not intended to replace any advice from health or social care professionals. We suggest that you consult with a qualified professional about your individual circumstances. Read more about how our information is created and how it's used.
