Losing faith and feeling lost

Feeling lost

Having a terminal illness can make you think about death, dying, and the meaning of life. It can also make you think more deeply about your beliefs.

You might feel like:

• you're struggling to find meaning and purpose in life.
• it's harder for you to find hope, peace, and comfort.
• you're lacking a sense of belonging or connection.
• you're questioning the things you used to believe were true.

This can leave you feeling lost, anxious or distressed.

It's common to feel like this when you have a terminal illness. So try to be kind to yourself if you are feeling this way. Being diagnosed with a terminal illness will mean a huge change to your life, so it's likely you'll feel lots of different emotions.

If you're feeling lost, or like you're lacking purpose, you might find this makes your physical symptoms worse. In a similar way, physical pain and symptoms can make you feel worse emotionally and mentally.

If you're worried about your mood or your feelings, there's support available. Read more about the support you could get below.

Losing faith

For some people, their sense of faith becomes more important to them when they're ill, and they find it a great support.

For others, being diagnosed with a terminal illness makes them start questioning their faith, or the things they once believed.

Whether you're religious or not, you can still lose faith. Losing faith might mean:

• no longer believing in values you used to live by
• not wanting to do the things that usually bring you joy or peace
• not seeing the purpose or meaning of anything
• no longer believing in your religion, or questioning parts of your religion
• asking questions like "where is God now?" and "why is God allowing me to suffer?"

This is really hard to deal with. But if you do feel like this, know that there is support available and people you can talk to.

Your illness and your religion

If you follow a certain religion, your illness might mean you can't practise it in the way you're used to. For example, you might not be able to attend religious services or take part in rituals like fasting.

This might make you feel angry, frustrated, or like you've lost connection with your religion.

If you're feeling this way, speak to your religious leader. They might suggest other ways to stay connected with your religion.

You could also speak to a chaplain – read more about what they do below.

Coping with your feelings

If you're feeling lost, or you find yourself questioning your beliefs, this can seem overwhelming. Below is a list of things which might help you feel more in control over how you're feeling:

• Give yourself time to think.
• Do things which normally give you a sense of hope – this is personal and could be anything from praying to going for a walk.
• Think about any unresolved issues you have and consider whether you'd like to resolve or talk about them.
• Try to make the time to prepare for and think about death. You could create an advance care plan.
• Talk about your feelings with someone you feel comfortable with.
• If you're religious, do something which helps you feel connected with your faith. This could be praying or speaking to your religious leader.
• Make a list of values and beliefs that are important to you, and think of times when you've lived by these.
• Make a list of things you enjoy doing – even if you don't feel up to them now, just writing them down and remembering happy times might help.
• Write in a diary about what you're thinking or feeling.
• Make a memory box and fill it with mementos, photographs, or things which remind you of times in your life.
• Try a complementary therapy.
• Try a talking therapy, like cognitive behavioural therapy.
• Do something for someone else, if you feel up to it – some people find helping others improves their self-esteem.

People who are ill sometimes worry about being a burden to others, so they focus on other people's feelings. It can be difficult, but try to look after yourself. Finding ways to cope with your feelings can make a big difference to your sense of control and purpose.

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Getting support

Palliative care isn't just about treating your illness or symptoms – it also includes emotional, spiritual and psychological support. The support you receive should suit your needs, beliefs and values.

Talking to others

Talking about how you feel and trying to answer some of the difficult questions you're having may help. Talking can help you:

• be kinder to yourself
• rekindle relationships with the people important to you
• think and reflect upon your life
• reconnect with values, beliefs and talents you may have forgotten
• understand more about who you are.

Below are some people you could talk to.

Those important to you

You might feel comfortable speaking with the people close to you about your feelings. You could ask them to listen to you and help you talk through things. This could be family members, friends, a partner, or anyone else important in your life.

Read more about getting support from those around you.

Chaplains and faith leaders

Chaplains, spiritual co-ordinators and faith leaders can offer support whether you're religious or not. They're often based in hospitals or hospices. Ask someone from your healthcare team to put you in touch. You could also speak to your own faith leader or a non-religious leader.

Non-religious support 

Humanist Care has a network of trained volunteers who provide support to everyone, regardless of their religion or belief. Find out more about Humanist Care.  

Health and social care professionals

You can talk about what you're going through with someone you're not as close to, like your doctor, nurse, social worker, or someone else from your healthcare team.

If you don't want to talk

Not everyone finds talking about their feelings helpful. Some people feeling low or anxious find it hard to talk to the people they're close to. And sometimes, people try to appear cheerful even though they're having difficult emotions.

If you don't want to talk, that's OK. Here are some things to try instead:

• Activities which don't involve speaking to others about your feelings. For example, art therapy, meditation, or relaxation.
• Give yourself time to process. If you don't feel like talking now, you might in the future.
• Let those around you know that you don't want to talk. Ask them to respect your decision and let them know they're still important to you.
• Speak to someone you don't know as well. This could be a professional, like a counsellor or psychologist.

Speaking to a psychologist or counsellor

You could talk to a psychologist or counsellor. They can provide different types of therapy, which can help you to cope with difficult thoughts and feelings, and find ways to manage them.

Speak to your doctor or nurse about what counselling services are available in your area. They may also be able to help you if you're feeling depressed or anxious. Read more about depression and anxiety.

Find free counselling services on the NHS.  

Find counselling services which you pay for (private counselling).  

Art and music therapy

Art or music therapy can help you express your thoughts and feelings. In art therapy, you create pictures or objects that have personal meanings. In music therapy, you can play an instrument, listen to music, or sing. You can have art or music therapy with a therapist, in a group, or on your own. It's free in some hospitals, hospices and care homes. Ask your doctor or nurse if it's available where you are.

Find a qualified art therapist.  

Find a qualified music therapist.  

Support groups

Many people find it reassuring to talk to others who are in a similar situation. Whether you'd prefer to talk to someone face to face or online, there are people out there who can share how they cope. Ask your doctor or nurse about local support groups.

Online support groups

Lots of charities have online communities, including Marie Curie's online community, where you can share your experiences in a safe environment with people who understand.

Macmillan Cancer Support's community has a specific discussion forum for atheists, agnostics and non-religious people affected by cancer.

Visit Marie Curie's community.

Visit Macmillan Cancer Support's community.  

Support from Marie Curie

Need to talk? We're here to listen.

Our nurses, trained officers and volunteers are here to support you.

• Call our free Support Line on 0800 090 2309
• Chat to us on webchat
• Send us an email at support@mariecurie.org.uk

Our Support Line is open 8am – 6pm Monday to Friday and 11am – 5pm on Saturday. 

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External websites

British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy   – find a qualified counsellor or therapist in your area

Humanists UK   – a charity for people who are non-religious

Macmillan Cancer Support Online Community   - discussion forum for people affected by cancer

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