Helping someone wash
If you’re caring for a friend or family member, they may need some help with washing. Speak with them, and anyone else involved in their care, to find a way to help that works for you all and maintains their dignity and privacy.
On this page:
Safety first
Your friend or family member may need your help to wash, and it can help to talk to the GP, district nurse or occupational therapist first. They'll talk you through how to help them move safely and may suggest aids or equipment if they have complex needs.
You shouldn't try to lift someone on your own. You risk injuring yourself and them.
Carer's assessment
You can get a carer's assessment from your local social care services too. This isn't to assess how good you are at caring, but to ask you about your needs and how being a carer impacts your life. The person you care for can also ask for an assessment.
You may find that you're entitled to equipment or a home adaptation to help you provide care. Social services can provide equipment and training with moving and handling.
Find out how to apply for a carer's assessment.
Read more about how to get social care and support.
Bathing and showering
Encourage your friend or family member to do as much as they can for themselves, and let them take their time. You could also:
- check the bathroom is warm
- check the bath or shower water is at a comfortable temperature
- make sure they have everything they need: towels, clean clothes, toiletries, flannels, shaving supplies, and disposable wipes and pads if they use them
- put a non-slip mat on the bottom of the bath or shower to help stop them from falling
- stay within hearing distance in case they need you.
If your friend or family member is having radiotherapy or chemotherapy, or has a skin condition, check with their doctor or district nurse before using any new products on their skin.
Helping someone to wash in bed
You may need to help them wash in bed if they cannot easily move. Giving someone a bed bath can take some time, and you should make sure your friend or family member is comfortable first. It can also help to prepare some things before starting.
Ask their GP or district nurse for advice if you’re unsure or have any questions.
Get tips for helping someone move safely in bed.
How to prepare
Gather the things you need and check the room’s warm enough before you start. Clear away any items that might get in your way. Close the door and blinds or curtains and make sure you won’t be disturbed. Put a bowl of water on a clear flat surface.
Gather everything you’re likely to need including:
- a bowl with warm water
- clean warm towels to dry your friend or family member, put beneath them and to cover them
- soap, moisturiser, and any other toiletries they use
- two clean flannels, one for the face and upper body and another for the bottom half of the body
- any personal hygiene products your friend or family member uses, such as disposable pads and wipes
- shaving equipment
- clean clothing like underwear and a fresh nightie or pyjamas
- clean bedding if you need to change the sheets.
Giving a bed bath
Have a conversation with your friend or family member, and let them know what you're going to do and all of the steps involved. Make sure your hands are warm before you touch them and talk to them as you go along. Check they're comfortable and be as gentle as you can.
Help your friend or family member to undress. Cover any parts of the body that are not being washed with towels or bedding, so they stay warm and doesn’t feel exposed.
Take care to dry your friend or family member’s skin thoroughly after washing. If their skin is fragile or sore, gently pat it dry.
Face and hands
They may be able to wash their own face and hands. Otherwise you can do this for them. Use only warm water or a very mild soap for the face, as some soaps can dry the skin.
If your friend or family member would like to shave they may be able to sit up and do it themselves, but you may need to help them. Cover their chest and shoulders with a towel. If they use an electric razor, press the razor firmly against the skin using circular motions. Otherwise, keep the skin taut and shave in short strokes in a downwards direction, from the cheeks to the neck.
Upper part of the body
Be gentle and use the following steps.
- With the flannel you’re using for the upper body, gently start at the person’s neck and shoulders and wash their chest, working your way down to the waist.
- If they can sit up, ask them to bend forwards so you can wash and dry their back. If they can’t sit up, you’ll need to gently move them on to their side to wash their back.
- Once you’ve washed and dried their upper body you can help them to put on fresh clothes.
- You can also apply moisturising cream to any dry areas such as the elbows.
Lower part of the body
Be gentle and use the following steps.
- Change the water in the bowl before you start.
- Using the second flannel, wash and dry their legs and feet one at a time. Place a towel under the leg you’re washing to stop the bed getting wet.
- Your friend or family member may prefer some privacy to wash their bottom and between their legs themselves. You can arrange the towels and bedding so they are not exposed. If they’re not able to wash themselves, you’ll need to help them roll onto their side to clean and wash their bottom. Take care to wash off all the soap.
- Dry them thoroughly. Pat the skin gently in sensitive areas, making sure you dry all the skin folds. You can then help them put on fresh clothes and apply moisturising cream to dry areas like the feet.
Read about changing bed sheets if they get wet.
Other ways to help them wash
If you cannot help them wash in bed, you may be able to help them clean with disposable wet wipes and dry shampoo.
Signs of pressure sores and skin damage
When someone stays in the same position for a long time, the parts of their body that carry the most weight may become sore or numb. The pressure can cause the skin to break down and create pressure ulcers (bed sores).
Washing can be a good time to ask your friend or family member if you can check their skin. Someone may have one or more of these signs of a pressure ulcer:
- Discoloured patches of skin that may not fade when you press them:
- People with lighter skin tones may get red patches.
- People with darker skin tones may get purple or blue patches, or patches that are a different colour than the surrounding area – usually darker.
- An area of skin that is a different temperature or feels harder or softer than the surrounding skin.
- Swelling, pain or itchiness in the affected area.
Do not rub the area. If you see any of these signs, tell their GP or district nurse as soon as possible. These can all be signs of bed sores, even if the skin is not broken.
Helping them change position regularly can relieve the pressure and help your friend or family member feel more comfortable.
Get more advice on pressure ulcers from the NHS.
Feelings and worries
As your friend or family member becomes more unwell, they might need more support from you. This can bring about lots of different feelings for both of you. You might find some of the tasks physically and emotionally difficult. The person you care for might feel a loss of control and confidence. And they may be worried about losing their dignity and privacy.
If either of you have concerns or don’t feel comfortable, speak to the GP or district nurse. They can talk you through the options and organise for someone to help with your friend or family member’s personal care. You could also ask for a professional to be there to support you the first time you carry out a care task. If they’re not able to be there in person, they might be able to give you support over the phone.
Need to talk?
Life is more challenging right now, but we're still here for you.
No matter your worries, our nurses, trained officers and volunteers are here to listen.
- Call our free Support Line on 0800 090 2309
- Chat to us on webchat
- Send us an email at support@mariecurie.org.uk
- Speak with other people in similar situations on our online community
Our Support Line is open 8am – 6pm Monday to Friday and 11am – 5pm on Saturday. On bank holidays we're open 10am – 4pm.
About this information
This information is not intended to replace any advice from health or social care professionals. We suggest that you consult with a qualified professional about your individual circumstances. Read more about how our information is created and how it's used.
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