Looking after a family member or friend
You might be a carer if you're looking after a family member or friend who's ill, has a disability or mental health problem. Everyone's experience of caring is different. Some people find that they become a carer gradually over time, while for others it happens suddenly. Caring can be challenging and it's OK if you decide at any point you want a break or need to stop.
We share information about the support that's available to you as a carer from Marie Curie, the government, NHS and other organisations.
On this page:
Am I a carer?
For many people, looking after a family member or friend who has a terminal illness at home is “just something they do”. They don’t think of themselves as a carer. But recognising your role as a carer can help you access support and financial help from the government, NHS and other organisations who may describe you in this way.
Most carers are unpaid, but some may receive a benefit called carer’s allowance from the government.
What do carers do?
Carers are often good at multitasking and carry out a range of tasks in person or remotely. Carers can also provide support for the person even if they don’t live near them. Caring for someone remotely can be just as challenging as caring for them in person.
You may find that you help with some or all the following:
- food shopping
- housework
- reading and writing letters or emails
- taking phone calls, for example from their healthcare team
- organising appointments and helping with transport
- preparing meals and drinks
- care tasks like washing, dressing, shaving, and going to the toilet
- getting them in or out of bed and making them comfortable
- organising finances
- taking care of their children and pets
- listening to worries and providing emotional support
- arranging for family and friends to visit.
Your needs as a carer
Carers often focus their attention and energy on the person they care for and put their own health and wellbeing last. But it’s important to think about what you can do without burning out or making yourself ill.
The realities of being a carer can sometimes be difficult and you may want to consider:
- your own health, especially if you’ll be helping with physical tasks
- who can support you emotionally if caring becomes stressful or too much
- how you can stay connected with family and friends when life gets busy
- delegating tasks to other people who can support you
- speaking with your manager and colleagues for support if you work and provide care
- how you’ll manage financially if you need to reduce hours or give up your work
- how you can adapt your schedule and living arrangements to provide the best care but also take time for yourself.
Carer's assessment
You’re entitled to a carer’s needs assessment from your local social care services if you live in England, Wales or Northern Ireland. In Scotland, you can have an adult carer support plan or young carers statement. This isn’t to assess how good you are at caring, but to ask you about your needs and how being a carer impacts your life.
You may find that you’re entitled to:
- equipment or a home adaptation to help you provide care
- help from a paid care worker
- respite so you can take a break from caring
- financial support, such as Carer’s Allowance.
Find out how to apply for a carer’s assessment.
See if you’re eligible for Carer’s Allowance.
Understanding medical and nursing support
When someone has a terminal illness and is and living at home, their GP has overall responsibility for their medical care. They’ll coordinate district nurses and other professionals involved in their care. They are your first point of contact if you have questions and need support or assistance.
Read more about the different professionals who may be involved in their care.
Marie Curie nurses are available in some areas to help with care at the end of life. Contact your GP, district nurse or discharge nurse to what services are available to you.
Find out if you can get a Marie Curie nurse.
Who else can help
Caring can include all kinds of challenges, and it can help to think who else in your circle of family and friends might be able to support you. Sometimes carers get help from their extended family, friends, and even neighbours or volunteers.
Coordinating tasks can be time-consuming, so you may want to think about simple ways to keep in touch with your support network and delegate things. You could coordinate this using:
- a WhatsApp or Facebook group to keep each other updated
- an app like the Jointly app from Carers UK which costs £2.99 and helps you plan and manage someone’s care.
Speaking with other carers
You might want to meet other people who are in a similar situation through local networks and online forums, such as:
- Alzheimer's Society online forum
- Carers UK forum
- Macmillan carers only community
- The Multiple Sclerosis Society online forum
- Parkinson’s UK online community
- The Mix group chats for young carers
Search for more local support on the Carers UK website.
Browse our directory of organisations who may be able to support you.
Caring while working
Changing your hours or work pattern or working from home may make your caring role easier. You have the legal right to ask to work flexibly if you’ve worked for the same employer for 26 weeks.
Some carers find that they must reduce their working hours or even stop working. If you do need to give up your job, you might be eligible for benefits such as income support or carer’s allowance.
Use our benefits calculator to see if you’re entitled to benefits.
Find out about your rights at work.
What’s it like to care for someone at the end of life?
Caring for someone with a terminal illness can be physically and emotionally demanding. You may find that your relationship changes with the person you care for. Some people say it changes their identity. They no longer feel like the person’s partner, family member, or friend.
But it can also be a rewarding experience and a time of great closeness. You may experience a much deeper relationship with the person and you may find it comforting to be able to make their final years, months or days as comfortable as possible.
Listen to more experiences from carers at Healthtalk.org
Need to talk?
Life is more challenging right now, but we're still here for you.
No matter your worries, our nurses, trained officers and volunteers are here to listen.
- Call our free Support Line on 0800 090 2309
- Chat to us on webchat
- Send us an email at support@mariecurie.org.uk
- Speak with other people in similar situations on our online community
Our Support Line is open 8am – 6pm Monday to Friday and 11am – 5pm on Saturday. On bank holidays we're open 10am – 4pm.
We really wanted to look after Mum at home but she initially wanted to go back into a hospice - I suppose she didn’t want to burden us. I found that really hard because the only control we had as a family was Mum’s care.
About this information
This information is not intended to replace any advice from health or social care professionals. We suggest that you consult with a qualified professional about your individual circumstances. Read more about how our information is created and how it's used.
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