Coping with feelings as a carer

Everyone's experience of caring for someone is different and can involve dealing with a mix of feelings. At times, it can be difficult and upsetting. Other times, it may feel rewarding and bring you closer to the person you care for. There's no right or wrong way to feel, but there are people and organisations who can help. We share how other carers cope with their feelings and things that may help you.

On this page:

Feelings you may have as a carer

Caring for someone with a terminal illness is hard and people find that feelings change often. It can be tiring providing physical and emotional support or juggling many things to coordinate care. You may feel unprepared for being a carer and dealing with your own feelings.

There’s no right or wrong way to feel and this might change by the day. Some carers talk about feeling:

• anxious and stressed
• sad, depressed and even helpless
• grief and fatigue
• lonely
• guilty or ashamed
• frustrated, resentful or angry.

Sometimes the difficult emotions of caring and grief can feel like or change into depression. Common symptoms of depression like feeling tired, forgetful and losing your appetite could be caused by the extra demands of caring. It can help to talk about how you feel.

Try talking to someone you trust, your GP or the Samaritans on 116 123.

Or call our free support line on 0800 090 2309.

Managing your feelings

Looking after someone can be exhausting and cause all sorts of feelings. Carers sometimes feel resentful towards the person they care for, or towards others who they believe could be doing more to help.

Even when you’re looking after someone 24/7, caring can be a lonely experience. This is especially true when you feel that other family and friends don’t understand what you’re going through.

While it can be difficult, there are some things you can do to try to deal with these feelings and get the support you need.

Delegating tasks

Think about ways other people could help you and let them know. People usually want to help but may not know the best way to do it.

For example, if someone in your support network cannot help with practical care, you could suggest that they help with other tasks like:

• making phone calls to organise appointments
• writing and sending letters or emails
• keeping family and friends updated
• filling in forms, posting letters or other admin
• picking up shopping or cleaning.

Making some time for normal life

It can feel like there aren’t enough hours in the day when you’re looking after someone. But making a little time each day for some normality can help.

There may be little things you enjoy and can do throughout the day, such as:

• reading or doing a puzzle
• listening to music or a podcast
• playing a game on your phone
• comforting things like taking a bath or having a hot chocolate.

Try including some relaxing activities in your day where you can. For example, you could catch up on sleep or take a short walk when the person you care for has visitors.

Exercise, massage and yoga can help with relaxation if you’re stressed. Or you may prefer to watch a film or chat to a friend.

Get tips for managing stress from the NHS One You website.  

Hear other carer’s experiences of looking after their own needs.  

Keeping in touch with friends

Sometimes friends worry about saying the wrong thing, but you could just ask them to listen. It can be hard to make the time for a chat but keeping in touch with others can help.

If you don't feel like talking, you could try:

• organising a video call to catch up or play a quiz
• watching the same TV programmes or reading the same books and talking about them
• playing games online.

Learn how to use technology to keep in touch with family and friends.  

Speaking with others in similar situations

There may be times when you feel that those closest to you don’t understand what you’re going through. It can help to speak with others who are in similar situations to you. Online forums and virtual chats can be a good way to connect with others. You could try:

• Carers UK online forum  
• Sue Ryder online community  
• Marie Curie Community  
• The Mix group chat for young carers  
• Memory cafes and clubs run by the Alzheimer’s Society  

Browse our directory to find other organisations that can help.

Need to talk?

Life is more challenging right now, but we're still here for you.

No matter your worries, our nurses, trained officers and volunteers are here to listen.

• Call our free Support Line on 0800 090 2309
• Chat to us on webchat
• Send us an email at support@mariecurie.org.uk 
• Speak with other people in similar situations on our online community

Our Support Line is open 8am – 6pm Monday to Friday and 11am – 5pm on Saturday. On bank holidays we're open 10am – 4pm.

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