Supporting someone while they're caring
Listening to their needs
As a first step, it can help to understand what your family member or friend might be going through as a carer.
Caring can be physically demanding and emotionally draining. They may be worried and upset. And busy organising different things like applying for benefits, sorting out a will or Power of Attorney, or accessing health services.
They may simply need a chance to talk about their feelings and someone to listen.
Try inviting them for a cup of tea or organising a phone call and letting them know you’re there to listen.
If they seem reluctant to talk, you could:
- tell them not to worry if they feel they’re repeating things, you’re there to listen
- offer to talk about something different if they need a break from caring.
If they call you when you don’t have time to talk, let them know that you only have a few minutes today, and ask if you can make some time later in the week.
Giving them space
There may be times when they need some space. They may turn down your offers to help, or stop returning your calls or replying to messages.
When this happens, try:
- sending a message that acknowledges that they’re busy and lets them know you’re there
- giving them some space and checking in with them the following week.
Offering practical help
Carers are busy and often need help or a break from caring. But they may not know how to ask their family and friends for help.
Try offering to help with practical things, such as:
- preparing a meal and doing the washing up
- driving them to appointments
- looking after their children, pets or plants
- doing the laundry
- picking up shopping
- gardening
- helping with admin tasks like filling out forms or posting letters
- cleaning and vacuuming
- returning library books and audio books.
It can help to mention specific tasks you could do, rather than asking how you can help. For example, you could try asking: “Can I walk the dog?” or “Can I do the shopping?”.
There may be day-to-day caring tasks you could help with too, such as helping someone take medication or keep comfortable in bed. Ask the person who’s ill and the carer before you help with these, as it should be their decision and something you’re all comfortable and confident with.
They might want to do something like go for a walk or meet a friend. You could offer to stay with the person they care for if they’re comfortable with this, so they can have time to themselves.
Find out more about helping with practical care.
See what breaks and respite are available for carers.
Organising support
You could create a rota if several people have offered to help. You could coordinate this by:
- creating a WhatsApp or Facebook group to keep each other updated
- using an app like the Jointly app from Carers UK which costs £2.99 and helps you plan and manage someone’s care.
Support for you
When a family member or friend is living with a terminal illness it can be a difficult experience for you too.
If you find that you play a role in looking after them, you might also be a carer.
Caring can involve all sorts of different things, from checking in by phone to helping with practical tasks like picking up shopping.
You might find it helpful to join an online forum or local support group to share experiences with other people in a similar situation.
- Carers UK online forum
- Sue Ryder online community
- Marie Curie Community
- The Mix group chat for young carers
- Macmillan carer’s forum
Browse our directory to find other organisations that can help.
Think you’re a carer too? Read more about caring and how you can get support.
Need to talk?
Life is more challenging right now, but we're still here for you.
No matter your worries, our nurses, trained officers and volunteers are here to listen.
- Call our free Support Line on 0800 090 2309
- Chat to us on webchat
- Send us an email at support@mariecurie.org.uk
- Speak with other people in similar situations on our online community
Our Support Line is open 8am – 6pm Monday to Friday and 11am – 5pm on Saturday. On bank holidays we're open 10am – 4pm.
External websites
About this information
This information is not intended to replace any advice from health or social care professionals. We suggest that you consult with a qualified professional about your individual circumstances. Read more about how our information is created and how it's used.
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