How to tell other people about someone's death

There may be a time when you need to tell other people about the death of a friend or family member. We know that the way you tell someone bad news can make a difference to them, as well as to your own grief. So, it's natural to worry about what to say when someone dies, and when and how to tell others.

If you have any time to think about how and when to do it, we have some suggestions here that may help.

On this page:

Planning how will you tell people about the death

If you know that someone will die soon, then it may help later on, if you can decide who will take responsibility for telling people about their death, when that time comes. If you have close friends or family, it can help to discuss it with them.

You may also want to think about getting in touch with some people who may not know that the person is dying − so that it's not a total shock to them when they hear the news.

Where and how to tell someone that a person they care about has died 

• It's better to tell someone in person if you can. If you cannot do this, then calling them is usually the next best option.
• Try and get as much time as you can for the conversation, whether it will be face to face or a call.
• Try to find a place where you will not be interrupted. Switch off things like phones, radios and the TV.
• If you're calling an elderly or vulnerable person, try to call them when you know there will be someone else there, so that they have support and will not be left on their own.

We know it can be very hard to be the one who has to do this – and it's normal to worry about it. You may find that it helps to think about these things first:

What to say when telling people about someone's death

• It can help if you can prepare by thinking through what you're going to say first.
• It's best to talk slowly and gently using plain, simple language.  
• You may want to warn them that you have bad (or sad) news to try to make it less of a shock.
• It is usually clearer to say that someone has died than to say things such as ‘gone to sleep’, ‘gone away’ or that you have 'lost' the person. This is very important if you are talking to children, someone who has a learning disability or dementia, or someone who has a different first language than you.
• Often people who hear bad news can only take in a small amount. You may need to gently ask if they understand what you're telling them, and what has happened. Encourage them to express their feelings and let them talk if they want to. Try to be a good listener.

Keeping it simple

• It's best not to bring in unrelated issues as they may confuse them.
• If you also need to talk to them about practical things like going to the hospital or about funeral arrangements, it may be better to leave this until later.

Telling several people about someone's death

• If you need to call to tell several people about the death, it can be very emotionally tiring. It may be better if you can share the calls with another close family member or friend. If not, then try to give yourself time between making the calls.
• When you want to let more distant friends or family know about the death, you may want to do it in a group text, email or WhatsApp message. Or you may wait to tell them until sending, for example, cards at Christmas. If this feels right for how close they were to the person who died, then it's fine to do it this way.

Supporting someone after telling them about the death

• If the person who died had been ill for some time, telling other people about their death may be less difficult. But if the person's death was not expected then it may be hard for them to understand what has happened and to take it in.
• They may need physical space to take in what you've said. Leave it up to them if they want to be touched or held.
• If they become very distressed, and you cannot stay to support them, you could ask if there is someone you can contact on their behalf. It might be a neighbour, a friend or family member who can come and stay with them when you go.

Read more about supporting someone who is grieving.

When − and when not − to tell others about a death

Give yourself time if you need it

If you are closest to the person who has just died, you should not feel like you have to rush to tell other people until you are ready. Be kind to yourself. If you feel you need some time to understand what has happened and to organise your thoughts, then take that time.

Think about whether you are the right person to tell other people about the death

Sometimes the people closest to the person who has died may want time before other people know about their bereavement. It's best to wait to pass on the news until you know that the person's loved ones are ready to hear from others. If they start to get calls or text messages of condolence before they expect other people to know about their bereavement, it can be very upsetting at a difficult time.

Announcing a death on social media

Some people choose to post about a person's death on social media – either on their own accounts, or to the page of the person who has died. It can be a place to share the news with a wider friendship group, and to read condolences as well as share happy memories.

However, you may want to think about the impact on other people if they hear about the death through social media – especially if no one owns the post and is going to monitor or respond to comments.

You may not feel comfortable with this at all. Or you may not feel ready for it in the early days of grieving and choose to come off social media, or temporarily take down an account until you feel ready to share and hear from others in this way.

There is no right or wrong way to do these things and people may feel differently about this. It can help to check with any other close family members or friends before posting something, to make sure it doesn't surprise them if they're not expecting it.

Talking to children about someone's death

Telling a child that a person they love has died can be very difficult. It is best if bad news like this comes from an adult the child trusts and knows well.

Read more about talking to children about death.

Getting support

We know it can be hard to tell other people about someone's death. If you're not sure how to start that conversation, you can ask a health or social care professional for support.

Or you can call our free Support Line for practical information and emotional support on 0800 090 2309.

Marie Curie Bereavement Support Service

Our telephone Bereavement Support Service offers free bereavement support from a trained volunteer. You can call 0800 090 2309 to speak to someone about booking regular, on-going bereavement support sessions.

The Bereavement Support Service is not counselling. It is phone support service where specially trained volunteers can support you by giving you a safe, confidential space to discuss your feelings and emotions around bereavement.