Talking to colleagues about your bereavement

Everyone adjusts to work differently after experiencing the death of someone close.

You might feel supported by your colleagues. But you may feel alone with your worries, and your grief, when you're at work.

Talking about how you feel

Talking about your loved one

Things you might worry about

Talking about how you feel

It can help to talk about how you're doing so that your colleagues understand how you're feeling and so that you don't feel isolated when you're at work. It might make you feel more comfortable and supported at work.

You could let your colleagues know if you want to talk about how you're feeling or the person who died. You might find it helpful to share information about how grief might affect your work.

You can try to lead the conversation - use words that you are comfortable with and share things that are important to you.

Talking about your loved one

Some people find it natural to talk about the person who died with their friends and colleagues – for example, being able to share stories about your loved one and bring them up in conversation. Other people prefer not to do this as they might find it too difficult or painful.

There is no right or wrong thing to do. And how you might feel about this may change over time. You might want to tell your colleagues what you would prefer and they can follow your lead.

Things you might worry about

You may feel that your colleagues are too busy to talk, and you may find it hard to share how you’re feeling with them. There can be many reasons for this. Maybe you think they won’t understand, or it may upset you too much to talk openly about your loss at work. You may also worry that you’ll take up too much of their time – or that you’ll upset them if you talk about your bereavement.

Most people will want to help and support you. They might find it hard to talk about grief and bereavement, so try to be patient with them.

Sometimes people might say something insensitive – people may ask you about something you don't feel comfortable sharing or make assumptions about how you're feeling. For example, they might say "I know exactly how you feel" or ask "How did they die?". These may be things you're comfortable with but they might not be.

It's normal to feel upset or frustrated if someone says something insensitive. If you want to, you could explain this to them. It can also help to share how you're feeling about these interactions – sometimes speaking to someone you don't know personally can help. You can call the Marie Curie Support Line for free on 0800 090 2309.

More stories, articles and guidance on grief  >

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