Preparing a child for when someone dies
When someone gets more ill, you may have to tell any children close to them that the person is going to die. They may want the chance to say goodbye. Here is some information on helping them to say goodbye, and supporting them during this time.
If you don’t feel ready to read this information just yet, you can come back to it at any time.
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Helping them to say goodbye
As the person gets more ill, children and young people might become more worried or anxious. Or, you may find that they have already started coming to terms with the idea that the person will die. Whatever their reaction, it is important to understand that children cope in different ways.
Children and young people may want the chance to say goodbye to the person who is ill. For some children, this can bring relief and a sense of closure. Ask them if this is something they would like to do, as some children may not want to say goodbye to the person.
You can find more information on speaking to children and young people when someone has a terminal illness on our page, talking to children.
Sharing messages of love with the person who is dying can be important for children and young people, as it can help give them long-lasting, positive memories of their relationship. If they find it too difficult to talk, they might like to hug or hold hands. If it’s not possible for the child or young person to see the person, they might like to make a gift or card for them, or record voice or video messages.
The child might find it helpful to speak to a religious leader or a chaplain, if the person is being cared for in a hospice or hospital, whether they are religious or not.
Speak to the child about whether they’d like to say goodbye to the person or not before they die. If they do, try to prepare them for what the person might look like. If they’re in hospital or a hospice, you could describe what the room will look like.
It may not be possible for the child to see the person before they die. This is OK, and if this happens, try to remember that it’s not your fault.
When the person dies
It will be an emotional time for both you and the child when the person dies. You may want to seek support for yourself and the child.
We have more information on looking after yourself and a young person in our booklet, When someone dies. You can read this online or order hard copies.
You can also call our Support Line on 0800 090 2309 for practical information and emotional support for when someone dies.
External websites
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About this information
This information is not intended to replace any advice from health or social care professionals. We suggest that you consult with a qualified professional about your individual circumstances. Read more about how our information is created and how it's used.
