Emotional experiences and concerns

As people approach the end of their life, they may experience different feelings and emotions. Some of these things can be comforting, but some can be difficult or upsetting to think about. Some people may want to share their thoughts with friends and family, while others may not. If you are a friend, family member, or in the person’s support network, there are things you can do to help.

On this page:

Reflecting on life 

Towards the end of life, some people think about and reflect on their life. They may think more about what’s happened in their life and their relationships. They may want to talk about their life with others or they might want to reflect on things alone.

What’s important to one person might be very different to what’s important for others.

Some people may want to do activities to revisit their past. This could involve seeing old friends, visiting significant places if they’re able to, or going through old photographs or letters.

If you are with someone nearing the end of life, you could ask them questions to see whether they want to talk about things, or explore what they do want to talk about. Or if they’d like to and you feel comfortable, you could offer to do activities with them, like looking through old photographs.

Finding purpose or meaning

Some people who are approaching the end of their life think about their values and beliefs, and the meaning of their life.

If someone is finding it hard to see purpose or meaning in their life, this can be quite painful. It’s sometimes called emotional or spiritual pain. It can also make physical pain and symptoms worse.

Some people may find it difficult to think about any spiritual or religious beliefs they have. They may ask questions like, “why is this happening to me?”. Other people find their beliefs or religion is a source of strength and support during this time.

Talking about how they feel openly with someone they trust may help them explore their feelings and make sense of them. You could try to give them space to talk about how they feel without judgement. They may find it helpful to get support from a counsellor or chaplain, even if they’re not religious.

They could also explore their feelings through writing or drawing.

We have more information about ways to cope and how to get support on our page emotional and spiritual pain.

Finding peace

Some people find that near the end of their life, they spend more time reflecting on life, its purpose and meaning. This sometimes means they experience a deep peace and acceptance of what’s to come. This might be a gradual process, or might happen more suddenly. Some people might feel comfortable talking about this peace, while for others it might be more personal and private.

Resolving conflicts or unfinished business

Resolving unfinished matters from the past, particularly with family members, can feel cathartic or liberating. Some people choose to do this by writing a letter, sending an email, or meeting with the person.

Sometimes the other person involved may have already died or be unwilling or unable to meet. It could still help to write down or talk about thoughts and feelings towards the other person. Sometimes conflicts can't be resolved, or the person might not want to resolve them, and that's OK too.

Anxiety

Many people feel anxious when they’re approaching the end of life. They might feel uncertainty about their future or worried about the possibility of dying. Other things can cause anxiety, like physical problems, finances, changes to their day-to-day life, or difficulty accessing care.

Having support and understanding from others can help manage anxiety. You could listen to any worries or concerns they have and try to support them.

They might also need support from health and social care professionals, who can look at any underlying problems and talk about different things that may help.

Visions or dreams

Some people talk about having new visions or dreams, or being visited by relatives, friends, religious figures, and people who have died. They may say these visitors have come to collect them or help them let go of life.

Some people talk about moving in and out of reality or describe experiences of what seems to be another world. Others talk about starting on a journey. These experiences can have significant meaning for dying people and may provide comfort.

We don’t know what causes these visions or dreams – they may be related to heightened emotions, or spiritual or religious beliefs.

If someone seems upset, distressed or confused, it may be helpful to speak to the doctor or nurse. This is because sometimes these symptoms can be caused by underlying problems such as pain, an infection or side effects of medicines. The doctor or nurse can try to improve comfort and manage any underlying problems.

Saying goodbye 

Some people who are dying think about who to say goodbye to and how to say it. There’s no right or wrong way to say goodbye. Some people have a private conversation, write letters or leave a present. We have more ideas about leaving behind memories.

Other people don’t feel able to say goodbye or worry about upsetting their loved ones. If you or your loved one need support having these conversations, talk to your health and social care professionals.

Getting support

Some people feel comfortable speaking with their family and friends about their feelings and needs. You can also speak to health and social care professionals – emotional and spiritual support for people who are dying and for those close to them is part of palliative care.

Chaplains, spiritual co-ordinators and other faith leaders can offer support, whether or not you’re religious. Their work includes helping you to talk about meaning, peace or connection.

If you’re not sure where you can get support from, you can contact our Support Line on 0800 090 2309. They can provide a listening ear and talk to you about getting support.

External websites

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