Questions children may ask when someone is ill
Answering difficult questions
If you are unsure about how to answer any of their questions, you could ask the person's doctor, nurse, a counsellor or social worker for support.
Remember that it’s OK if you don’t know how to answer their questions. Below are some examples of questions children or young people may ask and the answers you could give.
These are just suggestions. Remember that every child is individual, and you may need to adapt answers depending on the child, the situation, and your beliefs.
If possible, you might like to ask the child questions too, to find out how much they understand, and what they think. This may help you to understand exactly what the young person means. It can also help them to know that they are being listened to. We have more information on talking to children when someone close to them is ill.
How you answer questions will depend on how old the child is, their stage of development and whether they’ve had any experience of death before. We have more information on what children might understand at different ages.
We also have information on how children understand death in our booklet, Supporting children and young people when someone dies.
Examples of questions children might ask
Is the person going to die?
Yes, the person will die. I know it might not feel nice if you’re not sure about what’s going to happen. I feel that way sometimes too. What I do know for sure is that I love you very much. Is there anything you want to ask me about?
When will the person die?
This is a difficult question to answer. We don’t know exactly when they will die but it could be in a few days/weeks/months.
Can I catch the illness?
No, you can’t catch the illness.
(If it’s relevant, like if the person had a genetic disease, you may also want to say something like this: Some diseases are genetic, meaning that a family member might be more likely to get it, but this is not usually the case).
Will the person be cured?
The doctors have tried really hard but there is nothing to cure the person’s illness. But they may give the person some treatment which will help them with their pain.
Will the person look different?
The person might look a bit different, and they might not be able to do as many things as they used to, like play football with you or do the cooking. But they are still the same person on the inside, and they still love you very much. They will always be your [mum, dad, grandma for example].
Why do people die?
Some people die because they are very old, or have an illness or an accident which the doctors can’t make better.
Does dying hurt?
Having an illness might hurt, but the doctors might give the person medicines to help them with their pain. The person can’t feel pain after they have died.
Is it like being asleep?
No, it is not like being asleep. When people are asleep, they wake up, but death lasts forever.
Why can’t we stop people dying?
There are some illnesses we can fix and some we can’t. Some people die because they are very old, and their body has worn out.
When will I/you die?
I don’t know. Probably not for a long time yet.
If you can’t answer their question
The child or young person may have questions which aren’t listed here. You may want to note down any other questions they may have. If you’re not sure of any answers, you could make a note of the questions and ask someone involved in the person’s care at a later date. The child might feel more comfortable writing their questions rather than asking them out loud.
External websites
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About this information
This information is not intended to replace any advice from health or social care professionals. We suggest that you consult with a qualified professional about your individual circumstances. Read more about how our information is created and how it's used.
