Returning to school after someone dies
Time off school
There are no set policies that say how much time off school or college bereaved children and teenagers can take. It depends on the individual, the family and the school’s policy. Get in touch with the school as soon as you can. Many schools have bereavement policies in place and you can talk to them about how they can support the child or young person.
When should children return to school?
Making it easier for them
- Tell the school that you’ve had a bereavement. They may offer support. The child might also find it helpful to talk to a teacher about how they’re feeling.
- Tell the school what’s happened and ask them to let you know how the child is coping. It may be useful for you to find out if there is someone at school who the child can speak to about how they’re feeling, like the school nurse or a wellbeing officer. If possible, you could speak to them too, and hear about how the child is getting on.
- Ask the child what they’d like you to tell their school so they feel involved and have a say. This is especially important with older children.
- Make sure they know what you’ve said and to whom, and check that their teacher has received your message.
- If the child is finding it hard to go to school, create a handkerchief with your fingerprints or handprints on it, and maybe even spray it with scent. This can help them feel that you are close to them and safe.
How they might feel
Feelings of grief may affect a child differently over time and children may grieve in cycles rather than all at once. This means that, although a child’s grief may seem shorter than an adult’s, it may in fact last longer. People who are bereaved as children may revisit their grief at significant milestones such as starting a new school, going to university, starting a job, getting married or having children of their own.
They need to know that it’s OK to move on with life when they’re ready and that they shouldn’t feel guilty about it. Let them know that everyone comes to terms with death in their own way, at their own pace. Some days will be tougher than others but they’ll eventually be OK.
To find out more information about how grief affects children and how you can support them, visit our page, how grief may affect children, or call our Support Line on 0800 090 2309.
You can also read our booklet, Supporting children and young people when someone dies.
Did you find this page useful?
Help us be there for anyone with an illness they're likely to die from by telling us what you think.
If you are completing this survey using a desktop computer, hold down the Ctrl button to select multiple options.
About this information
This information is not intended to replace any advice from health or social care professionals. We suggest that you consult with a qualified professional about your individual circumstances. Read more about how our information is created and how it's used.
